Friday, December 7, 2007

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. A clown parody.

'Twas the night before Christmas, snow on the ground,
All of Clown Town was sleeping, except one little clown;
His stockings were flung across the room on a chair,
He hoped that St. Clownolas soon would be there.

The kid clowns were dreaming asleep in their beds,
While visions of St. Clownolas danced in their heads;
There was mamma and daddy, grandpa and grandma,
Under the covers in their rooms down the hall.

When out by the clown car I heard a loud noise,
I sprang from my bed and tripped over my toys;
Next to the window I fell in the trash,
Tore open my jammas and broke out the glass.

The lamp on my chest and the new-fallen globe,
Lit up the whole floor and the objects below,
When, what to my wondering clown eyes did appear,
But a great looking clown car, with eight goofy clowns, oh dear,

With great big ol feet and bright orange hair,
St. Clown, St. Clownolas, is that you out there?
Louder than beagles his Joey’s they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Lou! now, Bozo! now, Felix and Otto!
On, Jung! On Jackie! On Ricky and Coco!
To the top of the stage! Don’t trip and don’t fall!
Now clown away! clown away! clown for us all!"

Their eyes had a twinkle and they all tried to fly,
But they had no success and they all wondered why,
So what’s on the stage the Joey’s that’s who,
With a box full of props, and St. Clownolas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw a great bit
There was dancing and singing, a bottle with seltzer in it.
As I drew in my hand, and was laughing out loud,
Entered stage left St. Clownolas looking so proud.

He was dressed all in plaid, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with saw dust and soot;
A bundle of props he had flung on his back,
And he looked like Arthur Pedlar on the hippodrome track.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his ProKnows like a cherry!
His big ol red mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the Mehron that he used was as white as the snow;

The great looking smile, his pearly white teeth,
And the hat on his head hung like a wreath;
A white face or course, comedy not classic,
The costume by Betty made him look so fantastic.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly clown,
And I laughed when I saw him, while still on the ground;
With the close of his eyes standing in the right place,
Look out St. Clownolus there’s a pie in your face;

He spoke not a word, it was part of the gag,
He then started laughing; and wiped his face with a rag,
And laying his finger aside of his ProKnows,
He tripped and he fell of the stage there he goes;

He sprang to his feet, I was screaming encore,
And away they all ran off the stage out the door.
But I heard him exclaim, as the show had to close,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL BUMP A NOSE!"

Copyright 2002 by Steve Conley. All rights reserved.

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