Wednesday, March 11, 2009

It’s Just Money Honey

By Steve Conley

A1: Actor 1
A2: Actor 2

(A1 enters with some shopping bags. She’s exhausted and sits down in the chair. A2 is already seated.)

A1: Wow, I am exhausted! My dogs sure are barking!

A2: Why are you so tired? You were just going to the drug store to get some aspirin.

A1: I know and it’s a good thing I picked up some Dr. Scholl’s® inserts. If I hadn’t have done that, wow, my feet would be too tired to even work like feet!

A2: What do you mean picked up some inserts? What does that have to do with buying aspirin?

A1: Well honey, when you know you’re going to be on your feet for awhile you need a little more than aspirin. You need the cushiness of the doctor and boy are my feet gellin’!

A2: But you were just going to get aspirin, and look, it’s been 3 hours! Where did you go to get the aspirin? Did they stop selling it in Tennessee? Did you have to go across the border?

A1: No but I did go into Borders®. I bought some really great books.

A2: Books? What books? Why?

A1: Well, Borders was next door to World Bazaar® where I bought a great looking vase.

A2: Vase? Why?

A1: Well, I needed new vase so I could put the new plant in that I bought.

A2: What’s wrong with the other vases we have laying around the house? The vases that have nothing in them.

A1: Well, they didn’t match the new pillows that I bought.

A2: New pillows? Plants? A vase? Books?

A1; Yes and that’s not all…

A2: Hold on! Where did you get the money to pay for all of this?

A1: Money?

A2: Yes, money! You had to have money to buy all these things, right?

A1: Oh, we had the money. I checked our account before I left.

A2: No, no, no. We didn’t have the money.

A1: Yes we did. I looked at our balance. It said we had $534.00 in checking.

A2: No, we don’t. I had that money budgeted. It’s not really there.

A1: Oh it’s there. The little print out said it was there.

A2: Okay, wait. You need to pretend that it’s not there.

A1: Why do I need to do that when it said it was there?

A2: Because I’ve budgeted that money. It’s there, but it’s not really there.

A1: A2, here let me give you some aspirin. I don’t think you are feeling well.

A2: No I feel fine.

A1: Honey, it’s there. No need for pretending or acting.

A2: A1, I budget so much money every week for the different bills we have. Our checking account is kind of like a holding tank until those bills come due each month.

A1: Well, we still have time. It’s still there. Or was still there. You can just replace it.

A2: Replace it with what?

A1: When the rebate check comes in the mail we can take that money and put it back.

A2: Rebate? For what?

A1: Well, you know Gadget City is going out of business so I got in on the sale and bought a new underwater radio.

A2: Underwater radio? What are you planning on doing with an underwater radio?

A1: A2, you never know when you’re going to need these things!

A2: How are we ever going to get out of debt if we keep buying underwater radios?

A1: Did you buy one too?

A2: No! I’m just saying. We can’t keep spending what we don’t have!

A1: But we did have…

A2: I know, I know what you’re going to say and I don’t want to hear it! A1, we’ve got to learn to take some practical steps to spend smarter and make some personal goals to move us toward getting out of debt.

A1: I am totally with you on getting out of debt!

A2: Really?

A1: Yes. That’s why I bought you this book for $34.99 on how to set up a budget.

A2: What? Ah!

(A2 starts to exit)

A1: …And it comes with a DVD set that’s mailed to us every month for $54.95. A2? They bill monthly! A2? We can take the pretend money and pay for it! A2!

(A1 exits)

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